I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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