Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
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I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
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I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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