Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
