I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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