her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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