So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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