I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
