i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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