Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
