i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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