So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
