You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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