I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Maybe he injected his testicle?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
