i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Randomize
