The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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