I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
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