The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
It's shark week go big or go home
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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