I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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