I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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