Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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