Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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