I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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