Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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