U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
