i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
