State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
