there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
