Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
vagina is talking i cant
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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