You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
