if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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