i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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