So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
