Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
