i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
