I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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