i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
