he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
