if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
