ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize
