Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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