im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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