I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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