Screwed.edu
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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