Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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