all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
