Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
