i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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