Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
