You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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