I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
