i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
