her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You ruined the universe
Randomize
