My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
