his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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