just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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