Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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