im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
