Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
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I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
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BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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