And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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