I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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