There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
