I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
