so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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