it's too hot outside to masturbate.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
