Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Randomize
