I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
