The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
