Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Drunk is not a location!
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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